


Lions howl, too!

by TheMinx28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, James is tired of dancing around things, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mentions of Marlene/Dorcas, No Smut, Peter is nice, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus is a Werewolf, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Underage drinking (that's the only thing that's underage), graphic depiction of transformation, he's also bisexual, sixth year, talks about sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-17 08:15:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12361446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMinx28/pseuds/TheMinx28
Summary: It's Sixth Year, and Remus Lupin is having a hard time time keeping not only his werewolf secret, but his sexuality. Slytherin house is getting more and more malicious, and no amount of teasing and prodding from James and Sirius will stop them. Not even Lily's kindness. If Remus doesn't tell his friends, who's to say somebody else won't?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Marauders fic. I had a lot of trouble with the flow and perspective of the story, so I'm sorry if it reads a little dicey.

I can't remember much from that night. (I was only four, after all. Barely a toddler.) 

But I remember the window in my nursery breaking. I remember being pulled out and dragged to my backyard, being forced to lay under the large willow tree that my mother read to me under in the spring. 

Someone was holding himself over me— a large, hairy man with scars everywhere. 

I remember the man taking articles of my clothing off, licking up my naked sides, and then biting hard into the flesh in between my hip bones and ribs. I remember the pain was so bad I screamed and fainted almost immediately. 

And then I woke up in a hospital. My mother and father were sitting by my side; my father looking murderous, while my mother grieving. I first thought that they were mad at me, and I cried. 

Then the doctors came in. They explained that I was bitten, and would be cursed with lycanthropy for the rest of my life. That I was incurable. My father had to leave the room so he could hit the walls. My mother held my hand tightly and cried, getting the blankets wet with her tears. 

My life was always changing after that. The constant moving, the homeschooling, the loneliness. It was all a blur to me. I do remember sobbing when I had to leave the large willow tree that I so desperately adored. Even if it did always remind me of that one night. 

Nobody would speak to me. Nobody ever played with me. My parents never let me leave the house for long in fear that someone might look at me the wrong way. And children were cruel, always making up rumors about why I never left his house. 

So I read books. A lot of books. Muggle books, wizarding books. Anything I could get my hands on. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was smart at that age, and quiet, but very lonely. 

One day, I went to get the mail for my father. It was tradition for me to do this task as long as Father lent me his library full of books. To be fair, I felt that I got the better end of the deal. 

A letter stood out from the rest. It was more aged than the others, and there was a red wax seal holding it closed. The seal was intricate, holding my attention long enough for my father to worry. 

Father took the letter and read through the entire thing, then dutifully placed it on the wooden kitchen table. It was creaky and broken in one of the legs. It creaked lowly as he sat down on one end and stared meaningfully at my mother, handing her the letter. 

When she finished reading, she threw it on the table and whispered, "We can't, Lyall. You know that he'll never be accepted there." 

"Accepted where?" I asked, as oblivious as ever, swiveling my head around to stare at my mother and father. "I want to be accepted at that place!" My face was too stern for an eleven year old. 

"Technically he was already accepted, Hope," his father muttered, ignoring me. My mother hit his shoulder. 

" _You know what I mean _!"__

__"Of course I do," Father took off his glasses and pinched he bridge of his nose. He turned to the young boy (me) standing next to him. "Please understand, son. It's not safe for you there. I can homeschool you perfectly at home, teach you everything you need to know— and more!— from the safety of our house."_ _

__So the subject was dropped for another week._ _

__I was quickly left to my own devices the following Sunday, reading a book about magical creatures in the living room, when a crack and a pop whipped my head right out of the pages. Standing with his back turned to me was a man with purple velvet robes and long hair going down past his shoulders. It was auburn, but beginning to grey. He warmed up his hands by the fire for a moment, then faced me._ _

__"Oh, there you are!" He exclaimed cheerfully. The man cleaned his round spectacles with his robes and slid them back on. His hands clasped behind his back. "I was worried I'd gotten the wrong house again." Even under his long beard, I could see him smiling._ _

__I stared at him with wide, untrusting eyes. "Have you come back, then? To finish off what you started?" I asked, voice low. This must be the man who attacked me so long ago! Why else would anyone want to visit me?_ _

__Now the stranger looked forlorn. "I am terribly sorry about what happened to you, boy." He flicked his wand, and a game of gobstones along with a silver tray of crumpets materialized on the carpet. This wasn't the first time I had ever seen magic, and I bounded over to sit by the game. "I thought we could play a few rounds."_ _

__And so we did. The distrust between us vanished rather quickly as I won the first two rounds. I laughed loudly when the stranger lost the third round. An audible thudding could be heard from the hallways outside the living room, and then my parents burst in._ _

__Hope screamed and shoved her face into her husband's shoulder. Lyall looked tired, but his arm was held straight, unwavering, and his wand tightly in his hand._ _

__"With all due respect," he began. "We'd appreciate it if you left."_ _

__"Oh, Lyall. You're being very harsh, don't you think? I would very much so enjoy having his intelligence at Hogwarts." He stood now. "And besides that, you can't protect him forever."_ _

__My parents went silent, and I knew what the stranger was talking about. My affliction. The curse. Every month I would change, and it would be more painful than the night I was turned, and then I wouldn't be... me anymore. I was barricaded in my room until morning light came, and then I was normal again. Not without a few scars, though. My shoulders and hands were riddled with them, and I had teeth marks scarring on my side._ _

__I stared at the gobstones by my feet._ _

__Hope spoke first, breaking the tension. "Dumbledore, do you really think he'll be okay? No— promise me that he'll be taken care of at Hogwarts."_ _

__"I wouldn't dream of breaking that promise. Everyone deserves a chance at a life."_ _

__"D-Dumbledore?" I asked, testing out the name. The man in question hummed softly at me. "Will you play some more with me?"_ _

__Dumbledore checked a watch that he dug from the depths of his robes and clicked his tongue. "Sorry, boy. I have business to attend to. I was always rubbish at that game, anyways."_ _

__He walked towards the fireplace again, bringing a small sack of powder from a pocket. Before flooing away, he turned his head and stared at me, a smile gracing his kind face._ _

__"I hope to see you at Hogwarts this September, _Remus Lupin _."___ _


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter one :)

Five years later, a sixteen year old Remus Lupin stands at King's Cross station. I glance at my watch every few minutes, wishing the time would get by sooner. 

I was dropped off much too early. But there was reason. 

One of the friends I had made at Hogwarts, Lily Evans, wanted to speak with me first. In her letter sent a week before September, she said it was urgent, and that she wanted my opinion on it. 

In the letter she also requested to meet me as one of the first people on platform 9 3/4. It would do wonders for privacy, she had said. 

I look at my watch again. Five more minutes until the wall opens up. My feet tap incessantly on the ground, and I hope the muggles don't questions why I'm wearing the hood of my jacket over my head in the end of summer, or why there was a brown owl cooing softly in her cage. 

The transformations got worse over the summer. 

Usually, I'll nick myself a few times during the process, or my skin would split thinly from stretching so much over my bones. But these last few times were more intense, and I lost more of myself than ever before. There was no one to take my instincts out on except me. 

Now I have new, pink scars dragging across my face. Noticeable for everyone to see. My peers already think I'm strange for having scars on my body, but now they couldn't ignore it. And how long would it be before my other friends found out why I do the things I do? 

I check the hands on my watch one more time and smile. It's finally time. 

Once I pass through the brick wall that separated the muggle world from the wizard one, I catch sight of a girl with long red hair just pushing through a different pillar. I slowly and quickly veer my luggage cart towards her. 

After hearing the rolling of the wheels of the cart, Lily faces me. She seems perplexed by the hood covering my face, but shakes her head as if to shake off the confusion. We hug once I find my bearings. 

"Lupin! Two months have never gone by slower," she says softly, but loud enough so that I hear. I would've heard her anyway. With lycanthropy also comes heightened hearing and sight, after all. 

"Agreed, Lily." I move away from her. "Now what did you want to talk about?" 

But she's not done. She lifts up the hood and stares at my mangled face, mouth twitching into a deep frown. I avoid her eyes, embarrassment heating up my cheeks. I suppose I don't look very nice, now do I?

Lily leaves the hood down. "I've been researching so much this summer— I think I found something that can help you, Remus!" 

"Lily, nothing can cure me. Even if magical scientists weren't biased against werewolves, it would be impossible to find a cure. I would no doubt be long dead when they finally do discover one." 

"I never said cure, now did I?" She rummages for something in one of her bags, then brings out a page that looks like it was torn from a book. I widen my eyes; this is unexpected of her. Is she a victim of polyjuice impersonation? She scans the paragraphs, pointing choice words out. "It says here that there's a complex potion that can 'tame the inner beast,' as this book so rashly puts it." 

I take the page from her and look it over. "Professor Dumbledore mentioned the Wolfsbane potion a few times during second year. He said the ingredients were expensive and the brewing difficult." I smile, then, a bit sheepishly. "I don't want to put poor Slughorn through all that." 

"You're too nice, Remus. It's going to get you killed one day." 

"That's if I don't accidentally get myself killed." 

Lily's frowning again. "Don't joke about that." 

"What's the point of being cursed if I can't joke about it?" I asks rhetorically. I lean against the cart and bend my knees. I'm already at least three inches above my tallest friend and don't really fancy looking down on everyone I know. 

(Father says I get my tall genes from my grandfather, but in every picture I have seen of him he's shorter than everyone else.) (My mother says that he was jinxed by a witch he had a crush on and never undid it.) 

By now 9 3/4 is filling up with students and parents and animals alike. The bright red train squeaks quietly under the loud footsteps and steam bursts out the cracks in random places. The first time I rode the train, I feared I'd be all alone. 

As an eleven year old I saw all the other compartments filled with students who were either already friends or were becoming friends and scowled. Of course, I thought bitterly. All of them are already full. There's no room for me. 

So I found an empty compartment at the end of the train, sat in a corner, and stared disdainfully out the window. 

Not two minutes later I heard people rushing down the hall, yelling profanities. The door to my compartment swung open and two dark haired boys tumbled inside, sweaty and panting. One of the boys adjusted his glasses, and the other fixed his hair, which was short and cropped neatly under his ear. 

They paid me no attention as they slid next to each other on the seats, laughing breathlessly and holding onto each other. 

"Oh Merlin! Sirius, I can't believe you spit on his shoes!" 

"Well you're the one who called him a toe-sucking bug!" 

I squinted at them. If they were bullies, I'd have better luck to just stay low. I curled up in on myself, drawing my legs up on the seat. 

The boy without the glasses, Sirius, cocked his head at me. "And who are you? My name's Sirius Black." 

Oh. I definitely knew the Black family. My dad never outright said that he hated them, but he implied strong dislike whenever he mentions their name. To be fair, this Sirius was nothing like how my father described the Blacks. They were regal, elegant, polite, stiff, prejudiced, and were against people like him. But this boy was loud and had his robes torn near the bottom and he wore a necklace with an upside down cross that laid on his chest. 

I raised my chin. "Remus Lupin." I nodded to the necklace. "That would be offensive in the muggle world, you know." 

Sirius stared at it. "I do. I have a distant cousin who's into the whole muggle thing. She's the one who gave this to me." He looked at me with an impish grin. "I just like wearing it to mess with my mum and dad." 

"Are you a muggle then?" The other boy finally said. He stuck his hand out, and as I shook it he said, "I'm James Potter. I'm a pureblood, and so is Sirius here." 

"No. My dad's a wizard but my mum's a muggle." 

The boys' eyes widened like saucers. 

"Really?" 

"What's that like then?" 

"Do you know of any cool muggle bands you can let me know about? My mother would have an aneurysm if I blasted that through the house!" 

I tried to act annoyed, but I was secretly ecstatic. Barely the first day and I already had two friends! My little eleven year old heart was full as I taught the pureblood boys about muggles and answered their questions. 

"Remus? Remus! LUPIN!" Hands clap loudly in front of my face, and I jump back two feet. I look around but only see Lily. 

"What the hell was that for?" I ask loudly, brushing off my jacket and trousers out of habit. (It's always a habit when you're friends with James and Sirius and were involved in their pranks.)

"You weren't paying attention. Dazing off into space. What were you thinking about, Remus?" 

"Nothing. Just getting nostalgic." 

Lily smirks. "Aw, is Remmy-poo missing the good old days? Don't worry— nobody will mind if you gorge yourself on the pudding!" 

"That was one time," I mutter, rolling my eyes. I do that a lot. Sometimes, when Lily and I have been studying for exams for three hours straight and we need a break, we'll have a friendly eye-rolling competition to see who's the better roller. I used to own the champion title, but Lily has had hold of it since last year. I do intend to win it back sometime this year. 

Lily looks like she's about to go off on another tangent when an arm slings around my shoulders and squeezes. I don't bother looking. By the slight tickling sensation of long hair on my neck, I know who it is. 

"Woof," the stranger whispers, and I can see without looking he trademark smirk on his face. 

"Sirius, you don't scare me." 

Sirius finally reveals himself, a pout gracing his face. "That's rude, Remus. Despite what many may think, I am the scariest Black in the family." 

"I find that hard to believe." Lily crosses her arms and stares at the other Gryffindor. Sirius seems to finally notice her and flashes her a grin, one that's kept solely for Lily. It's not like his flirtatious ones or mean ones; it's a familial smile that he sends to a select few. 

"Evans!" He greets, arms opening to give her a hug. "Has James gotten to you yet?" 

"Not yet." 

"Oh, bloody— thank Merlin. I hear his next plan to woo you includes the squid in the lake and a huge banner. Better be looking out for that one, eh?" 

She sighs. "When will he give it a rest already? I'm not interested, and I'll never be interested so long as he keeps being a bully." 

"He actually has gotten better, Lily," I defend, shrugging when she gives me an annoyed expression. "He even stopped Sirius and Peter from jinxing Snape's noodles into gummy worms." 

Sirius frowns. "That was a damn good plan too." 

"No it wasn't, idiot. He would have just thrown it away and gotten something new." 

"I don't appreciate you discussing whether or not the plan to bully my friend was good or bad," Lily says suddenly. 

Silence beats between the three. Sirius looks at the ground, shuffling his feet. Severus Snape is a bit of a touchy subject for them. Years of malevolence doesn't go away in the blink of an eye. 

"I heard...from family members...that he's been getting involved," Sirius whispers. "With...some of the badder families. The Malfoys. The Lestranges." 

Lily sets her jaw. "I don't care. He's allowed to be associated with whoever he pleases." 

Sirius opens his mouth, as if he wants to add on, but I shoot him a scathing look. I shake my head subtly. Sirius frowns, but doesn't speak. 

I check my watch. Fifteen minutes before the train finally left. James would get here soon, with their other friend (a short, pudgy wizard with blond hair named Peter Pettigrew) following behind closely. They had a strange sort of bond, a bit like an older brother and a younger one would have. Sirius is never too fond of Peter— he thinks he talks too fast for having such a high pitched voice. 

I met Peter when the three of us finally got to our house dorms. Sirius was shaking and whimpering and crying because he was scared of what his family would do to him after he was sorted into Gryffindor, so James and I decided to take him to bed. 

We were greeted by an even smaller, chubbier version of Peter laying on his stomach on his bed. He shot up on his bed and gulped. Sirius sneered at him through his tears and asked in the meanest voice he could muster, "What the hell are you looking at?" But with a sniffling nose and shaking hands, the effect didn't land. 

I rolled my eyes and carried Sirius over to the boy's predetermined bed. "Shut it, Sirius," I grumbled. 

After a few moments of silence and Sirius quietly sobbing with James and I at his sides, Peter walked over and handed him a piece of chocolate. 

"I thought you might want this. My mum says it helps keep the sad feelings away." 

With a big, dramatic sniffle, Sirius took the candy and nibbled on it slowly. Slowly but surely, he warmed up again and the mischievous glint in his eyes returned. 

Somebody is shaking my shoulders now, forcefully dragging me out of my pleasant memories. Lily is annoyed now, her green eyes bright and merciless. 

"Remus John Lupin! This is the second time you've ignored me like this, and I simply will not stand for it!" 

"You sound like my mother," Sirius mumbles under his breath, quiet enough so that Lily doesn't hear him. I do, though, and have to stifle a laugh. The bloody Gryffindor is too snarky for his own good. 

"Sorry, Lily. I was just thinking about how we all met one another." 

"Oh my god!" Sirius exclaims, pointing behind Lilly. I follow where his hand lead and see James swaggering towards us. A gold and maroon badge glitters on his chest, and both Sirius and I exchange groans. 

"I forgot he was Head Boy," I say, sounding very thoughtful when in reality the only thoughts I'm having include shoving that stupid badge down the bathroom toilets. Sirius nods. 

"You should just be glad you didn't have to share a home with him for the last two months like I did. I swear I thought his mouth was going to just crawl off his face if he kept on chatting more about 'responsibility' and 'impressing Evans'..." 

"I did not say anything like that!" James retorts, having come close enough to hear our conversation. A pink tint tinges his cheeks and he refuses to look into Lily's eyes. Sirius smiles with his tongue in between his teeth. He always gives them this look like a Cupid watching his victims fall in love. 

Lily looks pointedly away from James and Sirius, and I don't fail to notice the red touching on her pale cheeks. "Sorry, Potter, but I believe what Black is saying is true." 

Her beau has a pained look on his face. He rubs his eyes with his palms, beneath his glasses. "Anyways, we better get on the train. Wouldn't want to be late for our fifth year, would we?" 

"Never us, James." Sirius smiles at him, grabs his shoulder, and drags us towards the train. With a frown, I stop him before we get too far. 

"Where's Pete?" 

James looks back at me, eyes hidden by a sheen of curiosity. "I really don't know. He owled me yesterday saying that he wouldn't be here until dinner!" 

"Dinner?" Sirius asks. "Blimey, I'll give him props for being able to control his eating habits." 

A low blow from Sirius, but then again, Peter did have a habit of stealing all of my chocolate when I needed it most. He's gotten better in recent years, but it's still a pain when I wake up after a particularly grueling moon and find there's nothing to eat in the hospital wing. For revenge, I spelled it so that everything he ate tasted like bland porridge. 

We walk to onto the train, our luggage being magically lifted in through one of the windows, and Sirius's hand brushes against mine. I look at him, but he doesn't seem to notice the interaction. I ignore the chills sliding up my arms. 

Sirius is confusing. He's flirtatious and crude and it's difficult to understand if he's hitting on you or not. 

I've come to terms with my bisexuality. Around fourth year I kissed an attractive looking Hufflepuff boy named Billy Wagner by the bleachers on the Quidditch field out of mutual curiosity, and we had a secret relationship for three months. Then he got a boyfriend over the summer, and we drifted apart. I still see him in the corridors sometimes. It's a bit awkward. 

None of my other friends know about Billy (and I'd like to keep it that way) but they are quite aware of the girlfriend I had in second year. 

Oh, it's not like it really counts, does it? We were twelve and she had a crush on me. I felt awkward about the whole situation so I just said yes and went along with it. Needless to say, she broke up with me a week later after she realized I cared more about my friends than I would ever care about her. Harsh? I know. But it's the truth. I wonder how Esmeralda is doing these days...

James, Sirius, and I sit in one of the last few train compartments. It's the same one we all met in, so it's like tradition. Also, James carved "Marauders" into the wood above the door and Professor McGonagall now forces us to sit here. 

Lily never sits with us. She'll come by occasionally to scold us for something, but usually she sat with Alice. Alice, who was Frank Longbottom's girlfriend of two years. (The poor man is forced to room with us as the fifth dorm mate and I never stop sympathizing with him.) 

She says we're deranged. Sirius always replies, "Not me, Evans. I'm the estranged one." It's bittersweet humor that he excels in. 

James punches my shoulder after we sit down, making me glare at him. I'm still sore after the last moon. 

"So what did you do over the summer, Remus?" 

"Nothing eventful. I read. Watched television. Read some more. Volunteered at my local library. Read books at the local library." 

"You're literally one of the most boring people I know." 

I roll my eyes. "And you're one of the stupidest, Sirius." 

"Awe, don't be mean to my Padfoot!" James says, bringing him close enough for me to knock their heads together, hard, if I really want to. I don't, out of politeness. 

Sirius barks out his laughter and smiles at James, before looking back at me. But he's not looking at me. I can tell in his eyes. They soften and his lips turn downward. So I know he's looking at my scars. The hoodie isn't very effective now that Lily pushed it down. 

It was getting too warm anyways. Being a werewolf increases your body heat much more than you'd think. 

"I know what you're thinking," I say, interrupting the awkward silence. "And you can ask about the scars. Can't guarantee I'll answer, though." 

"Then what's the point?" Sirius groans, dramatically falling to his back. He closes his eyes, and his long hair tumbles down and splays behind him. 

He used to have short hair, as his mother would cut it to look nice. But once he accepted that he was in fact a Gryffindor, all the responsibility to be a proper older brother washed away. He got his ears pierced when he was thirteen and grew out his hair until it's now long enough to be put into a bun. (Which he does do, by the way. When he's stressed he puts it up and keeps it up with his wand.) (I'm surprised he hasn't already singed his beautiful hair off with his magic yet.)

James ignores Sirius's dramatics. He has had five years of practice, after all. He sits languidly in the corner of the seat, one leg up against his chest and the other down. His head is tilted to one side slightly, and I see his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, a habit he got into doing when he was thinking. 

"Did you get in a scuffle with a hippogriff? Oh! Or perhaps a blast-ended screwt?"

"Screwts explode, James," Sirius corrects. He opens an eye to look at me, then closes it again. "He looks like someone used the Lacero curse on him."

I scowl. I get that he got his feelings hurt by my own right to privacy, but he doesn't get to be a dick. Not on my watch. 

"I should be so lucky. At least my looks don't come naturally like they do for you." 

James snorts, then hides it with his hand. Sirius sits up, jaw slacked in offense. He huffs, meaning to sound affronted, but it just sounds like he's trying not to laugh. Which he probably is. 

The trolley lady comes by, and we all chip in to buy chocolate frogs. Peter has a card collection, and we promised in first year to give them to him if we ever get one. Sirius could technically just gather up a few hundred galleons from his family's vault at Gringott's, but he despises needing them for money when he knows he can by something for himself. 

"I've got another Dumbledore." James shakes the card on its side, making our headmaster fall where we can't see him. 

Sirius held up a card, scrutinizing it. "Here's the three hundredth Merlin card we've had so far." 

"I found a Nicholas Flamel!"

James groans and throws his (Peter's) cards onto the empty part of my seat. "Well that's it for me. Wake me up when we get to school. My father kept me up all bloody night trying to get me to be his Guinea Pig in testing his newest hair potions." 

"Is that why you're hair's green?" 

"Wait— my hair's green? Pads, why didn't you tell me!?" 

My friends go into panic mode— James screaming and covering his head while Sirius is screaming and whipping out his wand— and I can't stop the smirk that settles on my face. 

I can't wait to be back at Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update schedule won't be like this, I just have a few chapters piling up and I wanted to add this one while I worked. I'm up to chapter four already, but I like having a bit of cushion room to relax and work in peace. :)

"I can't believe you got your very own kneazle!" James pants, legs pumping him through the halls. 

We're running, faster than ever, so as not to miss the feast. Sirius is in front of us, laughing and holding his stomach. James is just barely behind me, (I guess he does have to be fast, being the Seeker of the Quidditch team that he is) his face turned behind him. And Peter is behind us, speeding by on his short legs. 

Peter swallows, and nods. "Well, it's a half-kneazle. Her name's Monty!" 

"Pure kneazles can be nasty little buggers if they don't like you, though." Sirius finally catches his breath.

With my desire to eat fueling me, I ignore them and keep running. 

When we finally make it to the Great Hall's doors, we're wheezing and gulping in the precious oxygen our lungs burn for. I look at all of their red, sweaty faces. 

"I...am never...waiting up for...ANY one of you...again..." I scold between breathing. The exertion probably had my scars popping out even more. And it's apparently so, because Peter is staring at me with wide, scared eyes. 

I should tell them sometime. They deserve to know. Not that I'm bisexual, Merlin. It's none of their business what I do or who I do it with. But my transformations are only getting worse, and someone's going to notice. I don't want them hearing the secret from somebody else's mouth. 

Sirius claps my back and stands up straight. "Oh, it's not that bad, Remus!" He looks me up and down. I don't know if he's talking about the exercise or my scars. "I have to say, are you getting faster? Built up your stamina over the summer, huh?" 

He's giving me the smile, that grin, that smirk. The smile that confuses me because I don't know if he's joking or not. He's always been very ambiguous about dating. Sure, he has posters of nearly naked women in his room at Grimmauld Manor, but he also only does it because they're muggle women and it frustrates his parents. 

Even if he did end up being with me, how much of it would be real? Would it all just be a ruse to get back at his parents? A big "Fuck you" to their lineage because he won't have an heir? 

"You could say that, I guess," I reply and roll my eyes. 

James fixes his Gryffindor tie, wipes his Head Boy badge with his sleeve until it's glistening, and then pushes open the doors. Already I'm sinking into myself. 

The Great Hall doesn't go silent. But it's quiet enough to hear forks and knives clinking against plates, and to hear the whoosh of the flames in the torches on the sides of the walls. Most students eyes go on us, and I silently curse James for pulling such a dramatic and grandiose way of entering a bloody room. 

We walk to the Gryffindor table quickly and take our seats. McGonagall gives us a suspicious look from the Teachers' Table, but she can't say anything. She can't prove we were doing anything bad that caused us to be late. Which, we weren't, if you were wondering. It just took hours for Pete to finally arrive with his half-kneazle. (I don't think it likes me much; every time I go near it its tail goes rigid and it growls lowly.) 

The empty plates in front of us materializes food, and Peter licks his lips hungrily. Sirius and James waste no time shoveling mashed potatoes and meat into their mouths. Even I'm having trouble containing the saliva in my mouth. I'm so hungry that the mixing of all the meals doesn't bother me as much as it usually does. 

Before we're even done with our meals, someone slams their hands on the wooden table and makes us four jump two feet in the air. I look up and groan. All I need to see is the blond hair and blue and brown tie to know who it is. 

"Gilderoy!" Sirius says, a fake smile plastered on his face. The boy glances at him with scorn. 

"It's Lockhart to you, Black." He nods at James, then looks at me. "Everyone's too cowardly to talk about it, except for I, so I must ask: what the hell happened to you, Lupin?" 

His voice is loud, as he most likely means it to be, and it carries throughout the entire dining room. I don't answer. I look at my plate, take a bite of the sweet potatoes on the side, and chew. Slowly. 

Lockhart taps his fingers impatiently. I swallow the food and clear my throat. 

"Well, you see," I begin, "Your mother can get pretty rough in bed. I thought I should let her talk to you about it before the school year, but she insisted, son." 

With the last word, I lean forward and grab his shoulder tightly. Then I kiss his cheek and sit back down. His mouth is wide open, face slowly turning beet red. 

Peter is giving me a similar expression, but Sirius is losing his mind, rocking back and forth and cackling. James is giving me a smug, impressed smile. 

"That was a good one, mate," he compliments. 

"Thanks." 

Lockhart finally gains his composure slightly, but not his dignity. "I don't think that was good! How dare you insinuate such a disgusting thing? You know, I heard from Rita Skeeter that the real reason you have those scars is because you own illegal magical creatures in your home." He crosses his arms, trying to look clever. For a Ravenclaw, he really is dense. 

I'm losing my patience quicker than I hoped. The last full moon was only a week ago, and I'm still feeling lethargic and irritable. I nod and let my head fall. 

"You're right, Lockhart. The truth is..." I pause. "My father owns a werewolf farm up north, and I work there over summers." 

He scoffs. "You and all your friends are so moronic." 

"Yes, I'm aware." 

Lockhart grunts and storms away, fuming. As he walks by, a glass cup explodes at the Slytherin table. 

Sirius holds my arm, eyes crinkling as his laughter dies down. "Remus...Lupin... You're a brilliant man and you're my very best friend." 

"Hey!" 

"James you're not my best friend, you're my stupid brother." 

Before they can get all sappy with each other (I see the affection in their eyes) I clear my throat again. "Well, Pete's my best friend. He understands privacy and the need for quiet time." 

This time I've managed to offend both friends, but Peter high fives me from across the table. He's lucky that Lockhart didn't smack his hand right into his peas when he was trying to make a scene. 

After dinner, we head back to the tower. James technically has the option to sleep in his own room with the Prefect but, because he is just as dysfunctional without us as we are without him, he's staying in the dormitory. 

Frank is already tucked in bed. Probably already has silencing charms around the room to ensure he sleeps. And if he doesn't, he really should. 

First days back are loud in this room. Peter snuck a bottle of firewhiskey from the Hufflepuffs a year ago and we still haven't turned it back. Not like they noticed anyway; going near their tower is always very suspicious smelling. 

More than a few times I've had to make a few visits to buy something to help with the pain of a full moon. Usually I can convince them that it's just to get high. Not like they really care, do they? I still pay them, so they don't really care what I use my fix for. 

Sirius pulls out the hidden alcohol and sits cross legged on his bed. He grins as he takes the stopper. 

"Alright! Wizards James, Peter, and Remus, I am proud to announce that we are in fact starting our sixth year of Hogwarts! I still can't believe I sleep under the same roof as a Prefect and a Head Boy. May McGonagall show mercy and may Slughorn finally realize the world doesn't revolve around him." 

"That's funny, coming from you," James snorts, and Sirius throws a pillow at him. 

I sit on my suitcase, at the end of my bed. My owl was taken to the school owlery which stood right next to the astronomy tower. (Sirius and Peter took that class in third year. James took Arithmancy. I thought it would be cruel to study Astrology, so I asked McGonagall if I could tutor first years for credit. She said yes to me.)

Peter unwraps a candy he has stashed in his pockets and pops it in his mouth. "What game are we gonna play this time?" He asks, mouth full of sweets. 

Sirius points his wand at him, and Peter's chin clicks upwards. "Keep your mouth closed while you're eating." He takes a swig of firewhiskey. "I was thinking a muggle game like in second year? Hide and seek was a fine game." 

"No it wasn't," I interrupt, eyebrow raising. "You and James completely cheated. Pete and I found you hidden in the middle of the room, under James's invisibility cloak that he got from his grandad." 

"Potato, tomato." 

Peter cocks his head in confusion, but I shake my head at him before he can correct James. 

"We're not playing hide and seek again." 

Sirius rolls his eyes and hands the bottle off to James, who takes a drink. "Well what's another muggle game we could play?" 

I look at Pete. We're the ones who were raised in completely muggle childhoods. Even though my father's a wizard, he doesn't really use his magic for everyday tasks. Every full moon he uses charms and curses to keep me safe in my room, but everything else is done the muggle way. 

That's because my mother isn't a witch. Father doesn't like making her feel bad or less than him just because she can't do magic. 

Peter raises his hand, after years of training from teachers. (He used to answer questions randomly in the middle of class, and our professors attempted to charm him so that he wouldn't be able to speak at all unless he raised his hand high above his head.) 

"I have an idea!" 

"What is it, then?" Sirius asks, tying his hair up and keeping it there with his wand. He was already pretty good at wandless magic, he doesn't need it all the time. 

"Truth or dare. One person asks someone truth or dare, and they have to pick truth or dare. Then the group decides either a question they have to answer, or an action they have to complete." 

Sirius smirks. "What if they can't complete the action." 

"Punishment of the group's choice." 

I see the cogs turning in the Black's head, and the pervy smirk on his face. "Beep beep, Sirius," I say. 

He pouts, but James ignores him to clap his hands. 

"So?" He says. "Who's going first?" 

Nobody says anything. Frank shuffles flighty in his bed, sitting up to stare at us with sleepy eyes, then covering himself with the curtains and going back to bed. I sigh and run my hand through my hair. (It flops in front of my face, covering my eyes a bit. Cutting it does nothing, and both of my parents have tried.) 

"James, truth or dare?" 

He scoffs, adjusting his glasses with a coolness that he and Sirius seem to have mastered by now. "Dare. Obviously. That's what my Gryffindor bravery is for." 

I share an unimpressed glance with the other two. "Okay," I agree. "I dare you...to not ask Lily Evans out for the next two weeks." 

The room warms up as Sirius and Peter laugh and James groans. He rubs his eyes from behind his glasses. 

"Seriously, Remus? Now I have to reschedule the squid! And that thing does not like having its plans cancelled!" 

He sits up straight and looks at Sirius. "You laughed at me the most, so, truth or dare Sirius?" 

"Truth." 

James curses under his breath and averts his eyes. Sirius isn't stupid. He's not going to pick dare just because he's competitive. His desire to make him frustrated outweighed the need to do better than James. He's looking smug, sitting on his bed. 

Cold glass brushes up against my arm, and Peter is handing me the bottle of firewhiskey. I peer into it, swirling around the drink. No use wasting what was left, I shrug. Tipping the bottle, I sip on the last bit of it. 

"What do you think of Marlene McKinnon?" 

Sirius recoils. "Ugh, no thank you. Not only is she not my type, but she's also already going out with someone. Merlin— hand me that Remus. I need to drink my disgust away." 

"I will not having you become an alcoholic, Sirius." 

"But Marlene isn't that bad, is she?" James says, taking Sirius's attention back. "And this is all hypothetical, or at least this question is. She used to have a thing for you; I reckon it had something to do with your damn motorbike." 

Sirius laughs. "You love my bike, James. But even if we were the last two people on Earth, I still wouldn't let Marlene have a ride." Innocent enough statement, right? Not with that devilish wink he adds at the end. 

I sigh and stand up off my suitcase. "Well, while you two are discussing having sex with Marlene McKinnon, I'm gonna get dressed in my pajamas." 

"The ones with the little cats on them?" 

A blush rises to my cheeks and I open my suitcase to avoid them (Sirius especially) seeing it. "No. I haven't worn those since second year, dick." 

When I finally get my (striped) pajamas with me, I take them into the bathroom. I don't change in front of people. I'm afraid they'll stare even more than usual. I think Peter and James are convinced I don't have nipples or a belly button, and Sirius is betting them four boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean that I do. I can assure you that I do in fact have a belly button and nipples. 

The other three are already dressed for bed when I go back in. They're all well buzzed now, having finished the alcohol. Sirius is giggling about something James said, and I hear him mutter, "Marlene....motorbike dick..." Peter is eating the rest of the candy stashed in his pockets. 

I take the bottle and swish it around. "There's barely enough left for me, you arseholes!" 

Sirius giggles again. "Are these friendships not enough already?" 

"Alcohol is essential to being a part of these friendships, Sirius." 

"Remus!" He yells. "Truth or dare?" 

"Truth." 

He looks at James, then at Peter, then at me. His eyes narrow. Looking at him, I can see his hair is not staying well in that bun. Half of it is already hanging down by his shoulders again. 

"What," he drawls, "was your first relationship." 

Peter snorts. "Remus hasn't been in a relationship." 

"Yeah he has." 

"Yes, I have." I drink the very last of the firewhiskey. Looks like we'll have to get some more. 

James sputters. "Really? I thought for sure Sirius was just talking out of his arse when he mentioned it." 

"I love how much you trust me, James." 

I sit on my bed, laying against the headboard. My eyes close sleepily. It took so much effort just to function today. I want to sleep for centuries. 

"It was a Hufflepuff. In fourth year. We were a thing for, like, three months, but then they got a boyfriend and we ended. It wasn't a very nasty breakup. I don't hate him, and he doesn't hate me. We're not really friends, but we're not enemies either." 

"A Hufflepuff?" James asks with distaste. "Aren't they a bit too submissive? I'm afraid if I do anything with a Hufflepuff it'll feel like they drank a love potion beforehand." 

Peter agrees, and he and James talk about love potions, but Sirius is staring at me. His eyes are wide. He seems to have completely sobered up in a span of two minutes. His wand falls out of his hair dramatically, and I stifle a laugh. Jesus, apparently I'm not as sober as I thought. 

And here I thought I could handle my alcohol well. 

"I think we should head to bed," Sirius mumbles, and I think it's the first time he's spoken in six minutes. He moves under his covers and turns away from me. 

James frowns at him, but shrugs. "I guess so. McGonagall will be pissed if we show up with hangovers." 

It was only when all the lights were off, the empty bottle thrown out our window, and we were all tucked into our respective beds when I realize something I had said while answering my truth. 

I said "he."


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter! :)

When you get to Hogwarts, nobody tells you anything. In that first year you're basically left on your own. Sure, the prefects and head boys and girls will answer you if you have any questions, but there are some things that even they don't know. 

Weren't there when the passwords changed? Tough luck, kid, good luck sleeping outside. Peeves stole your books? Better hope your professor pities you. 

James and Sirius are the ones to figure things out. They push and push and push until they break a rule that nobody knew about, which suddenly makes it known. For example, you are not allowed to dress as a bird and feed the creatures in the Forbidden Forest. 

Now, on the fourth week of school, Professor Dumbledore is standing at his podium, making extra effort not to look at Gryffindor table. (Which is evidence enough that it was a Gryffindor's fault.) 

"I did not think I would need to say this, or at least so early in the year. But, please, leave the squid in the lake nearest Slytherin dormitories alone. She is easily frightened and does not enjoy being used for love confessions. We almost lost Mallory Abbot when she slammed into the glass wall of the Slytherin common room." 

James is sporting bandaged ribs from being thrown into a tree and a bruised eye from being punched by Lily. I really don't think he'll try something like this again. 

"Perhaps you could try a smaller animal? Like a manticore?" I whisper sarcastically, and he glares. 

Sirius sighs. "I tried to tell you, mate." He switches to a French accent. "Ze squid does not leek to be peeked up." 

Peter looks at him. "I don't understand you. You're fluent in French. Like, you can speak it perfectly. Yet you have a worse accent than my American aunt." 

"Honestly? It takes more effort to do a bad accent because my dear mother trained me like a dog when I was younger." He says this through gritted teeth. 

James pushes away his breakfast. "After going through that embarrassment, I don't think I'll be able to eat another bite." 

"Lily seemed plenty impressed," I say, looking at his black eye. It was starting to go green-yellow, and it looks disgusting. Not like I can really talk, though. One bruised eye that'll heal in a week can't compare to deep, lifelong scars. 

You can call me dramatic all you'd like. Still doesn't mean I'm not right. 

"Remus. You are a cruel, cruel man and I'm sure you and Lily are gonna have a grand old time gossiping and laughing about this incident when you're meant to be studying in the library." James is right about that, I have to give him credit. 

Peter nibbled off the corner of his bread. "I heard Dorcas and Marlene talking about you, Sirius," he says, effectively taking the attention off of one egomaniac and putting it on another. 

Sirius looks up at us, a fork full of scrambled eggs pausing halfway to his mouth. He puts it down and shrugs. "I don't really care, Pete. I'm not into Marlene. Dorcas is nice, I guess?" 

"That's not what they were talking about," Peter says, cheeks flushing. He's a virgin, I think, so talk about this kind of stuff makes him uncomfortable. Hell, it makes me uncomfortable when it's during the middle of fucking breakfast. Peter stares at Sirius, concerned. "She was talking about your hookup with her two years ago. She said you told her something, and then said that it was 'all making sense now.'" 

The suave Gryffindor is looking less than suave now, his eyes wide and his mouth in a straight line. He's doing this thing that he's done before, usually when we pass his younger brother, Regulus, in the halls. I think he got it from his dad. He covers his face and hides his emotions behind a blank wall. When he does this I get the urge to punch him and beat down the brick wall until he opens up. 

"She's a bloody idiot, that's what she is. Marlene is nothing but a good fuck, and all the entertainment she offers is mindless gossip. Ignore her next time, Peter." His eyes are glossed over and bored looking. 

I eat the breakfast sandwiches on my plate while they're talking. James throws the bacon slices from his plate onto mine. He knows I'll eat it because I've never turned down food when I can help it, and he doesn't like bacon. Most meats turn him off, actually. 

Lily comes over with a few books and sits next to me. We have Arithmancy together, as well as History of Magic and Muggle Studies. (Muggle Studies is an easy class. We just take it for the easy "O.") 

She spreads them over the open space on the table, and I push my almost empty plate away. One of the titles that catches my eye says "Magickal Illnesses & their Cures." I raise my eyebrow at her, and she shrugs, feigning innocence. 

"Alice has got a rather daunting flu," she says, much too casually to be truthful. "Her hair is turning white and her skin is getting these awful dots on it." 

"What color?" 

"Remus it's important to take care of yourself!" She exclaims, not trying to lie anymore. "I've been looking for substitutes that could make do for your potion and—"

"Hold on," Sirius interrupts, splaying his hand annoyingly on the open book. "What's this about Remus needing a potion?" 

"Probably an anti-fertility potion for your mum!" James jokes, ducking when Sirius's fist comes near him. 

"That's disgusting!" 

I nod, quite inclined to agree. "It's for my lethargy. And my awful sleeping patterns. I wouldn't touch Walburga Black with a fifty foot broom." I flip one of the pages. "No offense to you, Sirius." 

"Ugh, none taken, mate," Sirius says, sitting back and eating a mouthful of pancakes. He stares at his hands as he chews, lost in thought. I nudge his shoulder, and he looks at me with questions in his eyes. 

"What are you thinking about?" I ask. 

He finishes chewing and swallows, but still doesn't answer. His hand goes up to mess with his hair, a nervous habit. I'm beginning to think he won't ever speak when he finally does break the silence, 

"I ran into Regulus last night while I was restocking on firewhiskey." 

"Yeah?" James says. Sirius nods in confirmation. "He didn't tell anyone what you were doing did he?" 

Sirius shakes his head. "No. He couldn't recognize me." 

Nobody speaks, and it feels silent even through the entire Great Hall is buzzing in chatter. I look at Lily, and her at me. Peter awkwardly shuffles his feet under the table until his toe pokes mine. 

"What do you mean, mate?" James asks. 

"I don't know. It was dark, but he had the Lumos charm on, so it wasn't like he couldn't see me. He looked straight into my eyes, James, and then he cocked his head and asked, 'Who are you?'" Sirius swallows thickly. "I don't know why I care so much. It's not like he even likes me." 

My eyes drift over across the room involuntarily to the Slytherin table. 

Regulus Arcturus Black is still eating his own breakfast. His dark hair is cut similarly to Sirius's when he was a first year. It's a bit longer and covers his eyes when his head is down. I've never been close with him, nor any one of Sirius's family members. Regulus is sitting in between two large, meaty Slytherins, who jostled him every time they laughed. 

He's fourteen now, if I remember his birthday correctly. Quieter than Sirius, and gets good grades. He used to be in my tutoring lessons when I was in third year because he had troubles in transfiguration. I assume he's better now, though. 

"Maybe it was just dark?" Lily asks. 

Sirius shakes his head, looking even more pitiful than usual. "No. Can't have been. The light was on my face. And he looked so confused, like he didn't even know where he was." 

"You should talk to him about it," I suggest. "Maybe after lunch?" 

He looks at me, unconvinced. "Yeah, alright." 

James interrupts the tense atmosphere by standing straight up and wiping crumbs off his trousers. "If we don't head out now, we're gonna be late to Potions." 

I sneer slightly. Most of my classes are fine to attend, and I have no problem with doing well in them. The exceptions of course being Potions and Herbology. It's not that the teachers are bad, it's just the smells that get to me. More than once I've had to be excused so that I don't vomit everywhere. 

Peter joins him first, having finished his meal ages ago, but I wave my hand. 

"Sirius and I will meet you there." 

They nod sharply and turn heel. Every student is getting up and leaving now. I look over at Slytherin table again, but Regulus is nowhere to be seen. 

——————

"Professor Sprout is so evil!" James complains quietly as we walk out of the greenhouse. "I can't believe it— fifteen inches of parchment all about the bloody Sparkling Elf Ear!" 

Peter shoves his book into his satchel. "I guess, but we didn't have any major homework from her for a whole month. Of course we're gonna have to do a bunch of work over the weekend." 

James ignores his logic. "But it's just not fair, is it? Like, she feeds us these small papers or chores over the weeks, and all of a sudden we're attacked with this mound of an essay?" 

"I agree," Sirius says, slinging his arm over James's shoulder. The boy winces from the pain in his sides, and he lets up a little. 

I point my wand at my face and quietly undo the smell charm I have on my nose. It doesn't subdue it completely, but it makes it so that nothing is as intense. Thank Merlin for all the "useless" spells floating around the magical community. 

"Well I'm going to go study with Lily during free time." James gives me a hopeful grin. "Nope. Can't come. We have things to discuss that don't include you." 

He looks like a kicked puppy. 

"Don't be so blue, James!" Sirius says. His strange episode from this morning seems to have passed. But I didn't see him talk to Regulus at all today; he stayed flanked at my side. "We can spend our free time coming up with pranks! I heard Snivellus is scared of beetles...wonder what's gonna end up in his oatmeal tomorrow morning..." 

I roll my eyes. Some of their pranks are funny. Like when they spellotaped all of the books in the library to Madame Pince's desk, or convinced McGonagall to allow them access to the centaur clan in the Forbidden Forest, only to ride into their classes on centaur backs. But messing with Snape was getting old. 

James smirks and follows Sirius into the Gryffindor Tower's direction, dragging poor Peter along by his robes. He gives me one distressed look before disappearing behind a corner. 

"Good luck, Pete," I mumble, and head towards the library. 

The Hogwarts library was like a safe haven to me in first year. It was so uncomfortable spending so much time with other people my age. (I 100% blame my parents for this.) 

But nobody bothered you in the library. You could stay in there for hours without a care in the world. As long as you got back into bed on time, and went to classes, the teachers didn't care how much time you spent in the library. And it was familiar for me to read in solitude. 

Actually, I met Lily in the library. 

I was reading a book about how muggle inventions affect wizard society when she plopped right down next to me, making me jump six feet out of my skin. Her eyes were bright green and blazing with curiosity— which hasn't changed. 

"Hello," I said, awkwardly. Everything I did in first year was awkward. I was already almost taller an everyone, and I was as skinny as a stick, and frail, too. 

"Do you need any help with lessons?" She asked. Blunt as a mallet. 

"No..." 

"Then why are you always here?" 

That caught me by surprise. She noticed me here? Why didn't I notice her sooner? I looked down at my book, and a lightbulb went off in my head. You probably would have if you weren't so immersed in your book, I scolded myself. 

Lily nudged me, and I remembered she was still looking for an answer. 

"Oh, um, I just like the quiet. And the books are nice." 

She nodded, slowly, like that wasn't the answer she was expecting. "Okay. I get that." 

"Why did you think I came here so often?" 

"Uh," she smiled sheepishly. "I was thinking that you were from the books. Like a daring main protagonist? Like you were researching something for some dangerous quest? You look the part already." 

When I finally get to the library, Lily is already there, waiting for me. All of her books are spread out on a circular table by the large windows. The dark green curtains are drawn because it's already getting dark. Torches that float above the students light up the way. (When I was younger I was always afraid that the magic would fail and it would set the entire library on fire. Magic never has failed, though, so I assume we're safe.) 

She scoots over, making room for me to sit. 

"I thought you'd never arrive," she says, bumping her shoulder into mine playfully. I smile at her. 

"Sorry. I got caught up in Herbology. James was complaining about the homework." She looks confused, so I add, "Fifteen inches of parchment." 

Lily scoffs and turns a page in the thick, purple leather-bound book in front of her. "He's so dramatic," she says. I look at her and see a pale pink flushed on her face. 

I smirk. "You seem amused, to say the least." 

The blush increases, and she takes one of the lighter books and beats my with it until the librarian shushes her. 

After our hour and a half of studying, she and I gathered up our supplies to put them away. 

"Are you sure you don't mind putting the books away?" 

"Yeah, it's no problem. I'll see you in the common room in a bit." 

With squinted eyes and furrowed brows, she turns heel and leaves me. Madame Pince eyes her warily from her seat at her desk, then looks sharply at me once Lily was gone. 

"I expect all those books to be in their rightful places in no less than thirty minutes!" 

I smile politely at her (it's my "Teacher Smile," as James would put it) and begin taking every book to its rightful place. 

The shelves are long, and they're so tall they reach the ceiling. Throughout the whole library there are only two ladders but those only go up halfway. Those books aren't restricted though, we can get them at any time. In second year, a fifth year went up and told me that the library was haunted by all he past librarians. That's why some books just float down into your hands when you call them. 

Personally, I only think that's half true. I think half of the ghosts are librarians, but the other half are the ghosts of students who had the most detention. Sometimes the books will be all out of order, and certain...ahem, medical books will follow students around until they grew so furious they'd hit the book out of the air. 

I have one more book to put away. It's a copy of Witches Through the Ages. I mess with the ripped spine as I scour the shelves, looking for the right number. All the books are numbered to keep them organized, even though it doesn't really work. 

A thud captures my attention span. A younger boy is at he other end of the bookshelf. He's staring at me intently, and I suddenly recognize who it is. 

"Regulus Black," I say coolly. 

"Remus Lupin," he responds, a bit less cool. His green eyes are wide and his hands are stiff against his sides. The book he was putting away dangled precariously from his left hand, but it wouldn't fall. 

I huff. "Funny, that. You can recognize me, someone you don't even know, but you can't even recognize your own brother? Something's not adding up." 

He frowns, and the expression looks too worn for his young face. He gestures to my face. "You have scars. I know who you are. And what are you talking about?" 

This is a record. I don't think I've ever spoken to Sirius's younger brother this much before. I look at him pointedly. Is he just putting me on?

"Last night. In the corridors? You bumped into each other, you asked who he was," I say, hoping to jog his memory. Regulus makes a soft "oh" sound, and then nods. 

"Yes, I remember that. I didn't know who he was. The light was casting shadows on his nose, and I only saw his long hair. I thought he was Severus." 

I snort. "How could you possibly think that?" 

Regulus swallows, looking more confused and scared than I had ever seen before on his face. He avoids staring at me directly. 

"I don't know." He glares at the ground. "It's not like this is a new problem for me. I've dealt with it since I was a child. The only reason why it matters now is because Sirius brought it up." 

The resentment pouring out of him made a lamp on a table quiver and go out. Accidental magic isn't a common occurrence at Hogwarts. Most everyone knows how to control their magic. But emotions can bring out the worst, or best, in people. 

He stares at the lamp with surprise, then rubs his neck bashfully. With a swift motion he shoves the book he was returning into an open spot on the shelf to his right. 

"I better go then. It's getting late." 

I nod. "Yeah. Same here." Before he can leave, I call out, "Hey? Be careful on your way back, okay?" 

Regulus looks at me again. "Alright. You too." 

Then he leaves. I lean against the shelf and cross my arms. Was Regulus really that upset at his brother? I thought he was the good child of the Black family? And Sirius always said they were close when they were really young, but their parents made them drift apart. 

As I eventually go back to Gryffindor tower, I'm more confused than ever.


End file.
